Hello, we've been married for 11 years. We have wonderful daughters. Every time I got pregnant, he was very excited. Until we find out about the gender, it's a girl. He would treat bad, ignore me, even blame me for nit being able to have a Baby boy. Then he would fall in love with them. My last delivery almost killed me, I can't rey again, I can't have kids anymore. Not being able to give him his a baby boy kills me, I feel wothless because of it. Then, I found out that he was abused by his aunt, and she got pregnant sith a baby Boy. He denied, called me crazy. He bad a son at 11 years old, she was around 35. Nobody knows about it.
I feel like dying. I am trying to live day by day. Buf I am keeping distance from him. I feel betrayed because he mistreated me for something that wasn't my fault and protected her, still does. After leaving everything I had, my family, friends, job. I took another role to please him. I feel lost, alone, hopeless.
I can't afford therapy, I have no family around, my friends are his family members. I am alone. How not to fall?
How to make the pain go away?

Thank you.