For what it's worth....in sensorimotor therapy there is a phrase used called "the window of tolerance". It refers to finding that place within us, somewhere between the traumatic highs and lows, where we are able to function at the level that keeps us engaged with the present moment.
What's right for you should also be right for her (and vice versa). Your description of going through emotions, until you settled on what felt right, reminds me of that.
Hope it continues to sit well with you, as you wait for the next time to come whenever it decides to.
Lose the drama; life is a poem.