Hi Kasper, welcome to MS. I relate so much to what you posted; hard to talk, want to push it down and make it go away, panic attacks, flashbacks, etc. You will find a lot of people here get it too. We all have our own stories and different spins on what we went through and how we deal, but we share so many of the same hurts too. I came here just over a year ago. Was not in T, and felt totally lost, so started here and am moving forward now. Have a T and can talk to friends here when this stuff gets confusing. In this last year it's made a huge difference for me, and a good one. I know you can find friends here and people who will listen when you need to vent or talk or ask questions. Welcome to the site brother!
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato