Around the time I was 8 I started understanding that what my family was doing to their kids wasn't all that normal at all.
And that maybe not all parents do this to their kids.
I decided that I would tell my mom. I don't know why, I guess I was hoping she would turn back into the mother she used to be when I was little or something, maybe.
It didn't go well. She got extremely mad and dragged me to the kitchen and spanked me really hard. And informed me that I shouldn't be such a little whiney boy and to get the hell over it and take it like a man. 'You boys don't get it that bad'. And more things along those lines. When she sended me upstairs to my room I couldn't sit anymore.
When my father entered the room followed by my mom he looked well.... as if something evil had come over him.
He dragged me of the bed and threw me in a wall sucking all the air out of my lungs. He proceeded with kicking me in the back and then dragged me of the floor and on the bed. My mom got ordered to undress me and my father took out some of his torture tools. Belt, spiked belt, rope, whip.. Let's just say that at the end I was bleeding and unconscious. Naturally it wasn't talked about anymore.
Years passed. I was still forced to give my father a blwjb before going to bed. When my uncles had come over i had to give them one too. This happened weekly. When they were drunk enough they would all visit my bedroom and playfight each other over who got to go first.
When I was 10 me and 1 older nephew and 1 older niece stayed over at our grandparents (from my fathers side) house for 2 weeks in the summer. They are siblings. Every evening I heard my grandfather go into my nieces room and make 'noise'. She was 14 at the time. Her brother was 13. We both knew what was happening in that room of course. One night he made us 'join' him. Basically he forced my nephew to turn his sister on her stomach and rpe her. My grandfather then grabbed me and rped me too.
One day we were playing in their garden and I suppose we didn't hear my grandmother calling us for lunch so she came for us and because we hadn't been listening she made us pull our pants down in the kitchen, one by one so she could spank us. When my grandfather came home he rped all 3 of us, then hit us with a belt after he had a break.
I don't remember if they had been doing this stuff before, these are the only clear memories i have of them.
When I was 11 my father and my uncles had some kind of falling out or something so they didn't come over anymore, except for things like birthdays. So that was a relief for me, since it limited the abuse from their side from atleast once a week to once to every other month to 2,3 times a year.
When I was 12 I had an argument with my father over school, he had been drinking and maybe also drugs so I was seriously thinking he was going to kill me and I ran out of the house. Except it was already 10pm and I had no clue what to do now. I only knew I was to scared to go home. I walked a few blocks and then circled back home and hid in the bikeshed when I found out the house was locked.
From then on I stayed on the streets more often though. I met some other kids who were parttime homeless like me too for whatever reason. We didn't talk about the why, we just tried to stay warm and out of the hands of the cops.
I got introduced to those evil spots every big city has but 'normal' people know nothing about. Thank god I always said no to drugs and to most alcohol.
Basically it's pickup places with lots of kids between the ages of roughly 12 and 20 years old. Men show up and pick a kid and if they agree on the 'price' the kid goes with him or they use a spot that gets used for 'quick sex', or they do it in the car or something.
The older kids try to protect the younger kids, 'safety' in numbers I guess. I stayed far away from that, though I did get rped a few times. Not all of the man accepted a 'no'.
Until I was 13. One guy in particular started showing interest in me. I had seen him come and go with different boys a lot of times. Then he started showing interest in me. I shied away from him at first but eventually starting talking back. He never tried to do anything sexual, not even touching or anything. He just talked to me about school and stuff. The first time I went with him we went to see a movie. Then he took me to mcdonalds, etc. After three months I walked after him like a lost puppie. So one time he was about to drop me off at that pickupspot after a movie I asked him why he didnt want sex with me. He simply said that a good relationship isn't based on forced sex and he didn't want 'our' relationship to be like that. I frowned and unbuckled his pants and gave him a bj. I guess I was scared of losing him. I didn't mind giving him anything he wanted I said. I love to do this with you, if you want. He simply nodded and said thank you.
I got out of the car. From then on it went fast. Sometimes if he didn't have much time he would come over to our spot for a little 'us time' as he called it, for a little 'snack'. I was proud of him so i didn't make it a secret for my friends. I had no problems with giving him a bj in front of everyone or going to the fast sex place with him.
Another month later I started hanging out at his place. He 'taught' me it's not ok how my parents treated me. Spanking is only for if you really did something wrong and shouldnt leave bruises. That they shouldn't be forcing sex on me. That sex is a natural thing and should never be forced, that it's something you do for eachother willingly if you care about each other. That sexes and age don't matter. But that society just can't agree with something they don't understand. Ofcourse looking back I can see he was just grooming me all this time to be faithfull to him.
I was living so many seperate lives then. One at home, one at school and with my friends there. One with my friends from the street. One with him. I'll call him S.
Eventually I saw S. 5 or 6 days every week and stayed over at his place for 3,4 nights. I always went the same way.
We would talk a lot and have dinner and watch tv, or he'd make sure I would do my homework. If I hadn't done it or if i got bad grades he made me take my pants off and I'd had to lie over his legs so he could spank me. I didn't really mind that either because I thought he was being a good 'role model'. He cared about me, he wanted me to get good grades and succeed in life. So I didn't mind when he spanked me. Looking back it was just for his own perferted sexual pleasures of course.
We'd go to waterparks, cinema, mcdonalds etc.
Then afterwards I always unbuckled his pants in the car or on the couch at home and gave him a bj. Then he'd either have sex with me in the bedroom and if I stayed the night, in the morning too.
Or if we didnt have time for that he would have sex with me in the car or in the bushes or something.
I told myself we were in a 'relationship'. I loved giving him the sex. I didn't care about it myself, it didn't arrouse me, I didn't see the point, but I knew he liked it so I was happy I could give it to him. Then he died, quite suddenly because of a heart attack, when i was 14. I was devastated. I really was mourning.
Quickly after that i started frequenting the pickupspot and hanging out with those friends again. I went home with everyone who showed interest in me. Then I turned 15 and a new guy showed up. He had sex with a couple of older guys but quickly started showing interest in me. After a couple of times at the quick sex spot I started going home with him. It was pretty much the same as with S. except this guy, B. was more jealous and got angry faster. When he was angry I calmed him down by offering sex or I would let him spank me. It usually helped but it always hurted when he was like that. Spankings also became part of the sex routine instead of 'correcting bad behaviour'. I didn't really care though, atleast I had a 'relationship' again, like with S. Someone cared about me... right?
Today I'm 18. I still see him regularly. I don't seem to be able to say no. But so many things happening right now. I might have to make a 'my story part 3' someday soon.
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2