Hi Lee. I've come to believe that survivors and other damaged individuals seem to have a way of finding each other, even when they don't mean to and sometimes without realizing right away that they have. I have a dear friend whom I've been close with since ninth grade and I disclosed my abuse to him when I was probably 20 or 21. (Although he was not the first person I disclosed to.) Years after that, he disclosed to me that he believes he may have been sexually abused when he was very young but doesn't remember it. All the signs are there though. It is true that people have a kind of subconscious antenna and we use those antenna to find people we can connect with.
Good luck finding your father's grave. I trust you will let us all know how that turns out. Take care. Peace,