Hi Lost Mountain,
I'm glad that you could tell how you want to be held by another man and that even to say it is frightening as hell! To do that takes courage and bravery. Myself I'm a gay man and was abused by on older male cousin as a kid. My issues are different than yours and yet the same in many ways. Please, know that I support you in your quest to find greater healing, acceptance and understanding of your own CSA and ASA issues. Please, keep visiting and posting, hope to see you here again.
Gary / 1.healing
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."
"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."