Concerned husky and goldstone - right there on the same page with you. Incredibly needy mother who I now realize I was afraid would consume me through my sexuality. She clung to me emotionally, not my father, and my sexuality would have brought me potentially even closer to her and I was afraid of her taking that over too, all for her own benefit.

My abuse at the hands of men led me into a life of seeking pleasure with men sexually and avoiding dealing with sexuality with women until recently. I am putting down my sexual abuse driven sexual acting out with men and investigating my true sexuality and these exact issues are coming up for me. It has been a very hard road to travel but I see relief coming up amidst the grief and loss.
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And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed