Need I say there is a trigger warning on this post.
I haven't contributed much here and haven't contributed anything for over three years. Yet today I find myself in desperate need of support.
Very brief background: I was abused physically and psychologically by my ex-wife. We broke up more than 10 years ago now, and I have been married for almost five years to my current wife. Sex is very difficult for me, which frustrates my highly sexed current wife.
The last time we had sex she got very upset with me because I couldn't interpret her nonverbal cues as to what she wanted. As much as I know as it was her fault for not speaking up, I felt very awful about it.
Now if that hadn't happened, today's problem wouldn't have been much of a problem. What happened was that we were doing the same sexual activity and she HIT ME HARD on the head. This was in the throes of orgasm and she swears she meant nothing by it. However, the first thing that entered my mind was that I was doing it wrong again and she hit me out of frustration. I jumped up and ran out of the room. All I could think was that I had to get away. I came back into the room to grab my clothes and go (somewhere, no idea where) and it devolved into a shouting match.
It's hours later, we talked - well, argued - about it, it's over. I am still very upset and don't see how I can let this go. This is all my fucking fault for not being much of a man to begin with. I don't know what to do. I have no one to talk to.