Thank you for your reply, Pete. I appreciate the question you asked - am I trying to get my mother's love or desperately wanting to love another person because I can?
Honestly - both. They're still mixed together, and I just had insight that part of what compells me to find someone to love is an unquenchable thirst to be loved in a way I have never been loved - loved like a mother should have loved me.
I don't know how to separate (and heal) this.
Thanks again. I felt quite a bit better after reading your note and pondering the question and reminding myself that this thing called love is something I have yet to understand.
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.
-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).