I know your life has been difficult; I've read your story, absolutely horrified. And humbled that you carry on like a soldier. But I also envy you because you've had someone at your side, no matter what. And I envy you that you have family and people around you that love you.
I've been stripped of the family I thought I had growing up, and never created my own as I'd always dreampt of doing. Instead, I was given a ton of heart ache and loneliness. My therapist says to keep on truckin' on!
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.
Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM