Hey This,

Like you, I had the same thing happen. I had to replay the whole thing - and I mean everything - to my T at one point. I hated it, but he said it was necessary in order to let it go. And while I didn't see that at the time, it makes more sense now. I felt humiliation, disgrace, less-than-a man, and all that. But once it was out, it got better, and for you I believe it will also.

And there are also still some things I can't remember, mostly about afterwards. After I told my T the whole magilla, other things that I had totally forgotten about began to resurface. That may happen to you also, and sometimes they weren't pleasant. But at least I was able to deal with things I could remember and knew about as opposed to things I couldn't.

And one other thing. I couldn't use the word rape either. Still have trouble with it, because it just didn't fit me as a man. I preferred assault. But rape is what it was. I have to call it that, and in so doing, I have to remember that rape is not primarily an act of sex. Rape is an act of violence. It took me awhile to get that.

Once you face what it was that happened to you, I think you'll find it easier to let it go.

Hope this helps.

Oriolesguy

My story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...1634#Post261634