I don't really know how to approach this issue so I guess I have to just say it best I can. when I came to this site and decided to try to deal in a different way. I felt I had tried anything I could to heal on my own and always kept this thing from my wife and kids for the most part. I told of one time I was attacked which gave me a sense of dealing with things but even then I didn't tell it all. in terms of how I felt things I did to try to deal etc. the thing is one of the BIG things I have done is to lie. I lie about my feelings, just don't tell when things really bother me, I have just always been pretty dishonest and when I came here I promised myself that I would just be open and real about it all. just put it out there and look at it and deal. problem is ... I cant seem to. I mean there are things I am still dealing with that I can talk about here and maybe in T but I cant tell my family. and there are things I cant talk to with my family but sometimes I can tell others. and still other things that I cant bring myself to tell anyone not even T. I feel that even if he were to ask me out right I could not be honest. T suggested I see another therapist to help work through some sexual issues but even when he said that then I thought I cant even believe I talked to you! I am sure I wont persue anything further. I guess what I want to know is does this EVER get any better? I feel like I have been as honest as I will ever know how to be and truthfully it is so much better that there is no comparison in terms of being open. but I still feel so blocked here.any input would be helpful. better hit send or I wont do it again
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Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville