Wouldn't it be great if a cure stick were available! I know it takes time; I just hate the suffering. To make it worse, just like many of us do, I suffer in silence, alone. As a man, you are taught by society, peers, and some parentals, that showing emotions is a sign of weakness. Though, I do not feel that way, it still leaves me alone and unable to express myself to the few male friends I have. So I sit, and pray. Right now, there are no tears, but the pressure behind my eyes is a definite sign that a break down is coming. To be honest with you, I welcome it, I need a release.
Truth is you probably have already tried to cut the memories and "flashbacks" of the CSA from your mind. It probably wasn't successful. Or if it was, more recently it failed.
Just because you have memories or intrusive thoughts of the abuse, stream of conscientiousness about sex with women and men, and symptoms of depression doesn't mean you will not marry. I was married for 25 years, 4 kids etc. etc. My youngest boy, Daniel, is 34.
As you have more time on the healing journey, it will become less
overwhelmed by the intrusive thoughts and hopeless feelings. I wish we had a cure stick we could pass around, but we don't so we have to go through what we have to go through.
I hope you have a better day tomorrow.