Thank You. I'm not really a drinker in the way that it was presented. I just know, that in my past, depending upon the drink, my feelings for females presents itself in a strong way. Your response is true. I need to seek therapy, but at this time, and in my area, it is not affordable. Where I live, there is no true support for men in any area. This is sad, but true. I would love to be in some sort of support group speaking out my thoughts. Since I can't find such in my area, I am grateful for this forum. To know that there are like minded individuals, who suffered the same loss as myself, gives me hope that one day I will be able to find the peace that I so desperately desire.
I tend to disagree with the idea that drinking would ever improve clarity. there is no doubt that early sexual experiences can cause a lot of identity confusion and same sex attraction. this of itself does not identify us. it is clear that your desires are in conflict and so it would be very helpful to seek a therapist to help you to work through it. I say this as a married man who has struggled with this issue all my life. I have not been willing to address it until this point in my life and I have been very happy in my relationship and have never acted out. that being said it has been so incredibly hard at times it would have been better to have started working on it younger. just thought I would offer a different perspective