Everything you do for him, you do for yourself first. You love him? Love yourself.
How do you show your love for him? Do you give him gifts? Buy yourself something.
Do you speak kind words to him? Speak kindly to yourself. Remind yourself that you are a SURVIVOR. You are kind (look at what you are doing to help him!). You are thoughtful. Most importantly, you are WORTHY!
Whatever lie you may have told yourself about not being worthy, everytime you even begin to form the thought, Redirect yourself to all the good things about yourself. I don't even know you but I know if you are on this board, you have a good heart. If you are on this board, you are loving. If you are on this board, you are self-less. You are kind. If you don't think these things about yourself, CUT and PASTE what I've written and write it down even if you can't believe it yet.
Next up, the dreams you had before him, dust those suckers off and take a look at them. Do they still interest you? What do you need to do to work toward it. For me, it was school. I needed to find the money, I needed to find the time, I needed to take the tests. I wrote out my plan and then I worked it.
Are you stressed? I know you are. Every wife/partner/supporter is stressed--this situation is not normal. Do you have a therapist? If not, get one? Can't afford one? Call the biggest church in your town. Get some support NOW! You need it and you are worth it!
Get some exercise. Walk around your block.
Pray/meditate/whatever you do. For me it is prayer and it is vital. Pour into yourself in uplifting ways. Want to know more about Jesus, PM me, but if it's Allah, Buddah, Hare Krishna, whatever puts you in touch with a power beyond yourself, access it. NOW. Don't wait to go to church, synogauge, nature, etc.
You do NOT have to leave him right now. You do NOT stop loving him. He is deserving of love. He just isn't entitled to your soul, to your entire being, to your essence. You have to learn how to love but still protect YOU! I'm hoping some of my fellow MS Wives/Partners who struggle with co-dependence will chime in and give you specifics. But start here.
Wife of a survivor