I think you are making some good progress here, and I understand that at times we all feel "damaged" in some way, or "broken", but in time we learn to recognise those feelings for what they really are.

Originally Posted By: pnutbttrjlly
Things I have realized:
-I was 18 when it happened, instead of being a young child - so I feel it has not had as much of an impact on me as it would have a developing child.


If I have read correctly I believe the quote above is referring to the issue of sexuality being affected? (your later post talks about you not being damaged as much because you didn't like what was happening- which makes me draw this conclusion, as well as your questions about sexual identity and confusion).

Originally Posted By: pnutbttrjlly
I don't believe I have been too damaged because it was my only sexual experience, and I didn't like what was happening, and was old enough to know. Now I have the power to say so, and be in control of what I want.


I would add that there has been much debate on these forums on how being abused may affect sexuality, but as somebody who was abused as a young child I can say I don't believe it altered my sexuality, so age isn't the pure issue. That's really a discussion for the old thread that must still be around here somewhere.

In another respect, i think you have to be careful not to belittle your experiences. Many people were abused at different ages on these forums, and being abused at 18 can have just as much impact on a person as being abused at any other age. Infact, I understand that you may have increased feelings of shame if you think you should have been able to do something about it or felt more complicit in the act due to your age. If you do feel it hasn't had the impact on you that it could have then that is great. But make sure you are being honest with yourself, because sweeping the feelings under the carpet as you know doesn't help.

Lewis
_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.