I feel responsible for this. Guilty, even. I feel like I created this mess. Like it is all my fault.
When I met him over 6 years ago he was vibrant and full of life. He was happy and always made me laugh. He took care of himself and was extremely healthy, even refusing to drink alcohol. He was so wonderful.
Somehow, over the years, everything changed. I took care of him fully and completely. I made his dinner, his lunches, his snacks. I cleaned our home. I took out the garbage. I worked a full time job and took care of him full time. He wanted for nothing. I thought that was what a wife did. I broke my back taking care of him and, in turn, I feel like it broke him. Like I am the one who ruined him.
I turned him into an invalid. It is my fault. Six years later and he can no longer do anything. He is paralyzed. He behaves like a child and doesn't even know how to care for himself. He is selfish and only thinks of himself and his needs. He drinks everyday. He is an alcoholic. He can't cook for himself, unless it is throwing frozen dinners in the oven. He is so unhealthy. He has taken up smoking in addition to sleeping with another woman. He treats me like shit and somehow...
It is all my fault.
Why do I feel like I did this to him? Did my nurturing cause this? Did I cause him to regress back to that little boy he once was? Could I have done things differently? Should I have done things differently? Could I have stopped this storm from coming?
He is a shell of the man he once was. Barely even human. I do not know this man....This boy.
Who is he and who am I without him?