I read a lot on this forum about husbands/partners "acting out" and I feel for all the wives/partners of male survivors.
I sometimes think to myself, "was I just lucky" that my husband did not act out in the way so many survivors do, or did I have something to do with his healing. He is a businessman and threw himself into his work, thankfully we are both involved in our business so it has given me an opportunity to see his growth both on a personal and professional level.
When I answer the question to myself I realise: Yes it had a lot to do with me. He recently told me that the best thing I did was to give him space, without insisting on answers and not expecting an overnight change.
It took us just over 10 years to get into the space we are now. It is with sadness that his father passed away on saturday after a long illness and my obvious concern was how he would handle this loss. He has been a rock for the whole family and I am not sure he would be so strong had it not been for the fact that he is now a "thriver".
Yes, I did not have to put up with infidelity, a porn addiction, misuse of alchohol or any form of abuse from him. Quite honestly I am not sure I would have. You need to try and identify how much of his acting out is as a result of his abuse and if that is an excuse for it. You need to consider if it is worth the fight, a question only you can answer, no amount of theraphy will help a marriage/relationship if both participants are not willing to face the demons head on together.
Look after yourself FIRST.
South African Male Survivors Of Sexual Abuse
Web page www.samsosa.org