Tough day today. I had an encounter with a rude and disrespectful woman. I was angry for a little while.
The problem is that in my heart there is this little voice confirming that all women are like this and that thought fans my anger into resentment.
I was sold into a child porn ring when I was 5.5 yrs old. There were three women on the set among the men and older boys. One woman gained perverse pleasure in causing terror by sexually assaulting me with her huge breasts. The other woman was there to watch and observe me like I was a specimen on a peetree (sp) dish. As a result, I have 3 false and distorted perceptions of the feminine rooted in my heart:
1)The feminine as malice.
2)The feminine as cruelly indifferent to the sufferings of others.
3)The feminine as unclean.
I made a program call, (I'm in sexaholics anonymous) and talked the situation through with a friend. The woman in today's encounter is not one of the women in the porn ring. My perceptions about the feminine come from a wounded place that still needs purification and healing.
Thanks you guys. I'm glad I could post this. It helps.