Hmm. I grew up quite the ageist.

I was also disgusted by older men, but that seems to have softened quite a lot this past few years.

But growing up, man, if an older guy even so much as looked at me, I rolled my eyes at them. I had such a tremendous fear / loathing of older men.

Only once did I let a guy (who must have been 10-15 years older) go down on me. I was completely drunk and unable to say 'no'. I was so repulsed by the fact that I allowed that to happen, I swore "never again".
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: