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I know I have always expected the worse, and I am scared it is going to happen all over again. At 42 I know I need to start taking risk so that I can have the fruits of life but it is scary.

I'm 52 and you are far ahead of me. My life has all been about not taking risks. Being safe. Unfortunately that also makes it pretty empty. I'm trying to change that now. I have started therapy and am scared about the future. Taking risks. The vunerabillity. But like you part of me wants more.