Andy:

Sorry to have missed seeing your last post for a while.

Other men on this site have talked about their sexuality in similar questioning ways. Overall, I think that on the deepest level, sexuality is just that, sexuality. It has on that level nothing to do with orientation. It is about an inner connection.

That being said, orientation is something to consider if one wants to understand oneself and be social. I went through a period of questioning in my twenties. It helped to try dating men. I had one date with somebody and one relationship with somebody. It was good to do at the time.

What I now see looking back is that there were many experiences in my childhood that stopped me from growing into a man. Does that mean I am straight and not gay, because it's about growing into a man? No. Does that mean it was difficult to find myself sexually? Yes.

Because I didn't deal with the issues of my childhood for many years, I think I worried about feeling safe around men. This would drive me to spend more time with gay men than straight men. I think when we have had difficult experiences growing up and being male, we can be driven to hide away from experiences of masculinity.

So that being said I think experimenting may be the only way to give yourself some concrete experience to help you understand yourself. This understanding might end up being the kind that will get you over the obsessive questioning that in male culture can be very stultifying.

Let me know if you see the post. Perhaps we can share more on the topic.

Focused
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Lose the drama; life is a poem.