"All the talk about how courageous I am by therapists just goes out the window and I feel like crap. And this hit when I was already depressed. It makes me feel like I should have made him shoot me instead of let him rape me." -Jaifian
i understand your statement perfectly. i asked myself why i submitted to a death threat. all i had to go on was a threat, a choke, and a look in the eye. no gun.
i don't blame myself for not choosing death before dishonour.
i chose life. he was a killer.
i survived. you survived.
this is the life we chose.
the life of a survivor.
i believe that decision saved your life.
i know it saved mine.