Been a while since I last posted here. Been doing pretty well mostly.. flashbacks sometimes, but I'm getting pretty good at riding them out.. difficult to explain how. Anyway, what's hitting me now is that for the second time I'm dealing with hearing someone tell a war story about how someone supposedly got out of the kind of gun to head situation that ended with me getting raped about ten years ago.
I feel obligated to appreciate someone's bravery, but not without feelings that make me want to hurt myself. I'm not suicidal, but it just really messes with me really bad.
All the talk about how courageous I am by therapists just goes out the window and I feel like crap. And this hit when I was already depressed. It makes me feel like I should have made him shoot me instead of let him rape me.