My breakdowns have been situations where I am consciously aware that my emotions are completely out of control but I have no ability to stop them.
I am able to tell another person: "This is happening to me," but no ability to make it stop. Like I'm falling into a dark hole with no bottom. The unopening of intense negative emotion. Feeling that Death is a constant companion.
Last one for me was when my perp died back in October, and then again in January when my new T canceled on me twice because she was sick and I had an intense feeling of abandonment, even though I knew that feeling to be irrational.
Hang in there, guys.
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.