Thoughts racing out of control. Intrusive visions of the most disturbing and terrifying nature. Non-functionality at work - staring off into space. Constant ambient terror and s**c*d*l thoughts - which, combined with blackouts, end up as subconsciously manifested s**c*d* attempts. Constant crying - in public. Panic attacks that last hours, half a day. Total inability to sleep, which is okay because you are never ever tired - the later it is the more awake you get, for days. Total loss of appetite and sense of taste, so no impetus to eat, which you soon stop doing too. Sort of I guess feeling like your brain is being pushed through a terrifying darkness by an unstoppable bulldozer, and the more the bulldozer pushes along, the more the attached "cables" of ability and functionality get overfrayed until one by one they snap.

And you find yourself crying in the dark with a knife.
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My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny