It has been quite a while since I posted on here. But I always come back. I think once I posted about having trouble going to an all male fitness place. Being sexually assualted (lets just say it as it was "raped!") back in October was (and is) causing me difficulty in going. Well, I have been going about three times a week now. But still gaining weight..go figure. I just don't know how to act around other men. They tell jokes, they stand there butt naked with their thing hanging out and I don't know how to act. I know I have come across as unfriendly. I do talk though yet I always feel like I am unreal.....fake...like I am interested. Why hell I even walk around naked from the shower! Just trying to fit in. But I do dress pretty quickly compared to the others. Geez! am I not acting like 13 instead of 41?

I met my new boss this week. He seems really transparent. HE was very easy to talk with. I was quite amazed at how freely we talked. In my profession (teaching) though there is only three men on staff. Gee, I wonder if picking this profession has anything to with my abuse issues! But honestly I throughly enjoy teaching (thus the apple for the picture) if I can make one 5th graders day "normal" than I have done my job.

Sorry didn't mean to talk about the job. I just don't know how to feel around other men. And I NEED male friends. It just that men who have not been thourgh what quite a few of us here have been through just don't seem to understand.

I feel like i am rambling. Anyway does anyone else feel uncomfortable or not sure how to act around other men? I guess I was never really "taught" how to act. The men in my childhood ...abused me. I mean I do interact with men but I am always wondering if I am coming across as all right or something. (sigh)

Terry