I really dont know how to begin this. Ill just start out by saying hello.
I'm 21 years old. I'll finally have something going on with my life with me joining the airforce soon. I was sexually abused at the age of 4 by a neighbor who was 9. I guess he was molested as well. It probably would have continued if he had not moved away. I never told my parents back then about this because my father was an abusive alcholic towards my mother. One time i let out a bit of what happened. That night my dad beat my mother for some reason. I guess blaming her for not keeping an eye on me. They sstill dont know what really happened. He has changed and stopped drinking and doing this to my mother when i was around 9.
I had never thought about this. I guess i totally blocked it out of my mind. Till 2 years ago, i had told my ex girlfriend what had happened to me when i was younger. She has been the only one i have ever told about this. It felt a little good letting someone else know why i am the way i am. My whole life has been totally screwed up by that. I am anti social, and like most others that have this happen to them. I almost molested my sister. Luckily for me i didnt. I couldnt bare having myself doing that to her. I just was glad i didnt pass down this onto her. Or anyone else for that matter.
But this has ruined my trust with people. And why i never talk to anyone. It always has me questioning their friendly attitudes. I dont wanna tell my parents what happened to me. Nor do i want to get into therapy for it. I dont have the money and its just hard to talk to people in person. I guess this is why i found this place. And its alot easier to type all this out. I'm afriad this recent depression is gonna end up having me commit suicide. For some reason i want to live and see if maybe my life will have a happy moment.
I guess i've made this big enough.