Jacob, Murph, Cant & Matt -
glad i'm not the only one - though i'm sorry you all "get it" too.
Cant - it was my first date - registration - that I can't remember - back in 2006. it was close to my birthday - which has always been a difficult time - but I don't think that was all that was going on.
the Sandusky thing came out without me being aware of it until some time later - overseas it wasn't as big a deal until it got more and more blatantly obvious that it was HUGE and serious. and I was lost in my own fog at the time, anyway. it was coincidental that it was close to my first posts. though it soon became a big source of triggers for me too as the coverage spread to our part of the world.
when I came back it was because my wife discovered my acting out and insisted I get professional help - and I was scared and paranoid and all the rest - and needed to know that I wasn't the only one.
maybe it doesn't matter - but usually when something bothers me like this - it means that something is still hidden and needs to come out.
thanks for the replies, guys!
"That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. . . What will your verse be?" Robin Williams as John Keating in "Dead Poets Society"