Jacob, Murph, Cant & Matt -
glad i'm not the only one - though i'm sorry you all "get it" too.
Cant - it was my first date - registration - that I can't remember - back in 2006. it was close to my birthday - which has always been a difficult time - but I don't think that was all that was going on.
the Sandusky thing came out without me being aware of it until some time later - overseas it wasn't as big a deal until it got more and more blatantly obvious that it was HUGE and serious. and I was lost in my own fog at the time, anyway. it was coincidental that it was close to my first posts. though it soon became a big source of triggers for me too as the coverage spread to our part of the world.
when I came back it was because my wife discovered my acting out and insisted I get professional help - and I was scared and paranoid and all the rest - and needed to know that I wasn't the only one.
maybe it doesn't matter - but usually when something bothers me like this - it means that something is still hidden and needs to come out.
thanks for the replies, guys!
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho