I would recommend to get deep into the bible and pray as The Lord will open your heart and eyes to His way.
Your and our brains have been traumatized. So the image coming into your mind is probably put there by your past. Wishing you the best brother.
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Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her