3
Daddyís gone.
Whereís Daddy?
In heaven.
With Jesus?
Yes.
Jesus and Daddy donít play with me.
I canít see them.
They are too far away.
I miss my Daddy.

6
Do I want a new daddy?
Yes!
I remember my first Daddy a little.
He was nice.
He played with me.
I loved him.
. . .
This new daddy isnít good.
He doesnít play nice.
He hurts me.
He makes me feel funny -
(- I mean bad.)
Heís not my real daddy.

12
I donít understand
whatís happening to me,
how I feel sometimes,
the weird, scary dreams,
my body, my mind, my emotions Ė
- all out of control,
why he treats me that way,
why other guys do those things to me?
I donít like the way they make me feel.
I just wonít feel any thing any more.
Iíll go where they canít reach me.

15
I thought it was over Ė
- but it isnít.
I thought I was safe Ė
- but Iím not.
Itís been a couple of years Ė
- now itís happening again,
but this time with a stranger.
How does he know?
How can he tell?
There must be something wrong with me.
I canít let anyone know.

23
Child abuse?
Yeah Ė Iíve heard of it.
Itís a shame Ė
- but I had a pretty normal
childhood growing up:
two parents, nice house,
upper-middle-class.
All the perks.
It must be really awful.
Abused? Ė Not me!
But Ė I donít really want to have children.
And Ė I sometimes feel really weird about sex.
That must be just something wrong with me.

33
Depressed, hopeless, suicidal,
failing, unable to function,
isolating, uncommunicativeÖ
How can I be both numb Ė
- and also hurt so bad?
Pressed into therapy,
I open my mouth and it all spills out Ė
- bitter, stinking, burning as vomit,
- but flat as reading the phone book.
I canít believe itÖ
I was abused!
I guess Iíve known what happened all along Ė
- but I couldnít bring myself to call it that.
Now Iím re-calling the details.
I can no longer run away,
or hide,
or tell myself it didnít happen,
or call it something else.
And now I can no longer
refuse to feel the emotions
of all the memories
of all the ages:
3, 6, 12, 15, 23, 33.
I canít do this any more.
I am finished.
Iím OK now.

But wait Ė thereís more Ė thereís 60Ö

- lee
4-24-13


Edited by traveler (04/24/13 09:08 AM)
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"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho