That hope you feel is real - and the potential for recovery is just as real too. You've shown yourself to be very diligent in "doing your homework" on this process.... that is SUCH a good sign.... if you devote yourself to it and take advantage of all the healthy therapeutic resources available to you, I think you're going to feel better than you have in a long time.
You can't change the past, but this place is one among many resources that can help make your future a better one. Welcome!
"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny