Seriously?! Seriously?! SERIOUSLY?!
I try to be open and transparent about my feelings, what's going on, and the history of my struggles. How they relate to the present and everything. And my wife CONTINUES to call me out on shit from years ago. I am JUST NOW building my confidence and self-worth, self-esteem and vision for my life after falsely believing that anything was wrong with me and all she does is continue to support the notion that something WAS wrong with me.
I tried to explain to her it's like taking someone's deepest fear about themselves and exploiting it, like if I were to call her fat. It would validate her deepest fear and make her feel awful. When she says things like "I feel like you can't handle the present and put things off until you're ready to deal with them" I get so angry because I believe that I should be able to handle the present and like I have done something wrong.
Fuck that. I've done my best. I get so frustrated when those closest to me don't FUCKING UNDERSTAND THE STRUGGLE. You try getting sodomized by your father and see how that makes you feel, jerk. Leave my freaking jugular alone!!! I am alive and I deserve to be.
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.