Thanks guys. I guess the issue of who is his accountability partner needs to be re-looked at for both our sakes. I have a background as a therapist, although in a different field, but it makes it easier to listen to his pain because of how I've been trained. Having said that, having a male outside of our relationship that he can relate to sounds like a sensible idea.
Lucy, I thought you made an interesting point about the men who use prostitutes having probably been abused. I'd never considered that to be the case before, but it sounds about right.
I think I understand, now, that we all have choices about our behaviour, and need to take responsibility for ourselves. I've put it into context and its useful for setting my own boundaries in this relationship.