I screwed up with my money, i dont know how but i spent way too much last month. I have to sell my computer. This just sent me to tears, my life doesnt feel like its ever going to be any good. I am just going to be poor and powerless all my life, and it seems no matter what i try and do i cant win. Life is rigged, pople say its like a game but its a game you cant win. What the hell is the point? My life means nothing.I dont want to play anymore. Life cheats. Maybe i should just join the army and start killing people like everybody else. We are just fucking animals. I cant control myself, what hope do i have of livng a decent life. if this is just another mistake then why does that seem my life is, justs a mistake? I could scream help until my throat was raw, it doesnt matter because nobody would come.
I threw away all my money like a god damn idiot. I dont think ill get squat for the computer, not enough to afford a new one. I dont want to do this anymore, life just feels like a cruel joke. I never wanted anything i was taught we could have. I didnt want a job, i didnt want money, the only thing i ever wanted was an escape to a better world that wasnt such a hellhole. This place sucks, i live next to the freeway, my roomates are all like strangers. I have no friends, no family, i have nothing. I HATE my life. The only way out is death, and that just takes you some place worse, im sure. I hear the echo of our history in my head and it seems clear that humanity is a tragedy. I just wish i could let myself die.