Sometimes it still hurts like hell, but I'd take the pain over going back to being just a toy, any day.
crazy gecko, thanks for pointing out that the commitment to be real stands right next the willingness to engage pain.
For so many years I have passed by people who had the courage to do this in favor of spending time with people who seemed more whole because they could talk a good number of circles around my pain, making me feel like I didn't have to deal with it.
Being a toy no longer means standing my ground, taking a good deep breath and letting the words come. It's going to be a new way of living, this real. It's going to be hard. It will probably scrape the bottom of the ugly barrel at times.
But I'm betting it will be me.