Greetings all...I have made the realization that possibly much of my ex boyfriend's struggles with sex on a shared/connecting level and cuddling/intimacy in general was largely due to CSA. Before I jump to any conclusions I was hoping to maybe get a little input here.

I knew he had grown up in a very dysfunctional family and has admitted to having "just" a sexual attraction and fantasies about his mother up until his 20s. He has also admitted to one time where there was a "minor" (as if any are minor) forced incestuous encounter between him and an adult male relative when he was in his early teens (he is in his late 40's now).

When I met him I knew he had a few harmless (and common, apparently) fetishes which I did not mind at all...but now that its over, the more I read on this site the more I can't help but think the fetishes, too, were a means to distance himself sexually from an actual flesh & blood woman. Our breakup was abrupt - no fight, no betrayal - I was his 'soul mate' one week and someone he needed to escape from the next. I know he felt bad when he could not get "more into" sex with me (though he was very much so in the beginning months). I was the first woman he had been close to in many years, and I wonder if, despite my efforts to be understanding and put his mind at ease, he simply saw himself as permanently "broken" and has given up in shame.

I know everyone's situation is different, but any input would be appreciated!

Is it possible to "re-wire" your sexuality when your "preference" (I don't want to say "dysfunction") is one that stems from CSA? I am not talking at all about gay vs straight/Bi whatever, but a gay/straight/bi man who simply CAN'T feel totally comfortable sharing a sexual experience with a loved one...but has no problem getting off to an object that symbolizes one.

I am just beyond heartbroken as he was SO loving, we were so similar in so many ways and he never stopped raving about me and how good I was for him to me and everyone else...just very, very sad and confused here...for myself and him frown


(FYI, he is the most honest, happily eccentric and open-minded person I have ever met. If he were gay, he would just BE gay - but he is not).


Edited by nel75 (04/04/13 09:27 PM)