Hi, well I'm dumont. I have been looking at your site for a while now, just reading and figuring things out I guess.
I have just turned 20 and I have been abused for long time. I am not here to look for sympathy or anything like that. It's just so much abuse happened that I need to talk about it. I thought I could just let it dissappear but it works it's way back into my life. Things happen around me and I am brought back to being hurt. How do you fix that? I have tried talking to some people I cared for but most of them won't even look at me after they find out the truth. Other guys I know that stuff like this has happened just say live with it and get over with it. Most of them are taking drugs or drinking hard or are so fucked up I know they will be dead sooner then later.

I know if I don't keep it together I will end up like them. I'm in a safe place now and my life looks like it's getting better. I have my own place that is clean and nice, my own bathroom, a fridge and stove and it seems a chance now. This may all sound silly but I never thought this would come true.
How do you keep it together?

I also have questions about what I am. In theory I am straight but the only real contact I have had has been with men, both forced and for comfort. I have tried being with a girl but it didn't work out. Sex is a funny beast for me. It takes me and I never seem to be in control of it, it takes me does what it wants.
Most people on here seem older so I don't know if I have a place here, I'm not sure what I can offer. I am not very educated and my experience's are very hard for me to tell other people. They were very rough and I'm afraid that I will be rejected for them. Some very awful things were done to me and I did very awful things because I was forced or because I was to much of a coward to say no. It gets really confusing.
well there you have it.
Not sure how to chat on here really but I will try and maybe learn something.
by the way I am waiting to get therapy but it may take a while. Group therapy is an option but not a good one for me.
Not sure what else to say. I am very nervous and worried that this will some how not be a good move. I hope it will be a good move for me. I think I need some help, please.
Dumont