I don't know what I need guys, but maybe someone here can just offer me some kind of support or advice idk.
Hi CF. Well, I can offer support but I'm not sure how much advice I can give. When I was in my late teens/early twenties I was in a situation a bit similar to yours. Living with my parents, barley employed, going to a T to sort out my CSA issues for the first time and suicidal as hell. I know that when you're in that situation, getting up every morning and facing another day seems like a monumental task. Like climbing a mountain of shit, only to know that there are nothing but more mountains of shit ahead of it, going on and on, stretching out in front of you as far as the eye can see. It seems like you're suffering and struggling pointlessly. Suffering and struggling only to be faced with climbing another mountain of shit again the next day, for no reason.
The only advise I can give you is to keep going. Keep going, keep climbing, keep persevering, keep SURVIVING
. If you do, eventually a path out will present itself. It may present itself because you scratched and clawed your way to it, or it may present itself in the most unlikely of places, when and where you weren't even looking. Eventually, you will find that path, trust me. It may take a long time and it may take walking through more pain than you would ever want to but it will
happen. For now, just keep surviving, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Whatever it takes.
Oh and to boot get this, my therapist is retiring within a month, and just last group they dropped the bombshell it's closing for good in June. I JUST GOT INTO GROUP IN DECEMBER AFTER WAITING 6 MONTHS TO GET IN IT WTF? And also, why the hell did they give me a retiring psychologist? Now I'm going to have to work with a new psychologist, but at least I know this psychologist from group.
Wow, that sucks. I was in therapy for about a year and a half, from 12/93 to 6/95. Can't believe it's been 18 years. One of the reasons I quit going was that my T was moving to a different state and I didn't want to start all over again with a different T. (There were other reasons but that's kind of a long story.) The thought of starting all over with a new T is beyond frustrating. It's like being on the phone with a customer support guy, explaining your problem in great detail, working towards a solution to the problem then somehow getting cut off. Then, when you call back, you get a different guy and have to start explaining the problem again from the beginning. (It makes me want to punch my phone through the wall when that happens.) Take the time consumption, the emotional energy and the frustration of that customer support guy scenario, multiply it by 1000, and that would be starting over with a new T. Not suggesting you not pursue a new T, just explaining one of the reasons I didn't. Good luck with that. Take care. Stay strong. Peace,