i waited to read this because of the apparent warning you gave. i was really bracing myself for something that i feared would be triggering. once i read it, i had to say - it is interesting to me that you found it so difficult to write. do you know why? it does not deal with the stuff that most people would find triggering - not the actual CSA events. i can really identify with the sense of loss of your father and the loneliness and isolation - but i wonder why this chapter - after his passing - hurt so much? in a way, i guess my much of my life has been at this stage - after my father's death - but then, i never really knew him or got used to having him there. i guess i can't imagine the contrast - maybe i'm answering my own question.
sorry, you don't have to answer, but i will keep reading to see what you do with this theme as the story unfolds.
thanks again for sharing your life with us.
"That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. . . What will your verse be?" Robin Williams as John Keating in "Dead Poets Society"