Last night i asked a chick out. She is seeing someone.
But it felt good to ask anyway.

today i go to a mall w/ my parents and suddenly i find myself
looking at mens parts.
conversatiions developed fast " you fag , we see you , we know
you are looking at guys."

this wasnt too bad ' as i was much more schixoaffective years
ago ; my thoughts and feelings are more connected now.
BUT! it wasnt enuf. ( PLEASE THIS SHIT WILLL TRIGGER!)

( I BEG YOU TAKE PRECAUTON IF YOU CONTINUE TO READ)

a guy was right infront of me " ohh yeah goran ,keep checking
him out he is hot!!! "

so i went to go get the car , when i left the mall alone the
tough talk to force to convince me to check out guys
( another ongoing dialogue that i am a gay continues to struggle to fight to stay straight!) slowly dissapated...
and then when getting the car i was like
" this is fucked up! how am i gonna get thru this?
When i arrived w/ my folks at their place after preparing
dinner i promised myself to do three things.
My dad asked me to do something for him on the computer.
I hesitiated ...b/c of these damn voices to act-out.
After doing my father the favour ..he left the room and
i knew i was in for a ver up hill battle.

I fucked lost .. anyway ... i got a alot to do...
i am pissed off!

love ya
Goran