Let me ask y'all something . If you knew a guy in his late 30s, and this guy didn't have a girlfriend but also claimed not to want a relationship with anyone, would you think it was ok to ask him why? If you did think it was ok to ask him why and his response was that he "doesn't do relationships", (my automated response), would you then think it was ok dismiss his answer outright and start going on about friends of yours you could set him up with that would just love him? If he politely turned down your offer to play match-maker and was obviously not comfortable with the subject, would you continue to pester him about it? Because I'm talking to a message board full of guys, I'm going to guess that the answer to most or all of those questions is going to be a resounding "no". So, that said, why the fuck is it that chicks always pull that shit?
My sister in law used to be terrible about this but fortunately she lives in a different state, so she can only do so much. I have a female cousin, (not one I'm close to), who wanted to give me the third degree on this at a family reunion last summer but we don't really talk and she didn't presue her match-making quest afterwards like she said she was going to. (Thank God!) I've wound up as an unwilling captive in this same conversation with female co-workers and other female acquaintances over the years and they all have the same annoying goal, to set me up with someone when I clearly have no interest and am obviously uncomfortable with the whole thing from the word go. What are they thinking????
It's a mystery to me why they would even want to bring it up in the first place. I mean, I'm 38 freaking years old and I'm single. I don't make six figures, nor am I even remotely close to being what one would call "successful" but I'm at least independent and relatively stable. I'm no Brad Pitt but I'm certainly no cave troll to look at either. Hey, if I wanted to be with somebody, I'D FUCKING BE WITH SOMEBODY!!!! Why can't they just see that to begin with and leave it alone?
I've even had these conversations culminate in passive-aggressive, half-joking/half-not comments like "What, you think you're to good for my friends?" Fucking really? Has anyone else been subject to this? If you have, you've no doubt been subject to questions like...
Them: "Don't you get lonely?"
Them: "Don't you want someone in your life who completes you?"
Me: "Nope, sure don't."
Them: "Don't you want someone to share your life with?"
Me: "No thank you. I'm selfish with my life and I don't want to share it."
Them: "Don't you want your own children some day?"
Me: "God no! Owning a cat is about as much responsibility as I want to have for another living thing."
Them: "Don't you ever wish you had someone to sleep next to at night?"
Me: "No! GROSS!"
Me: "And no, I don't think I'm to good for any of your friends. If anything, they're to good for me, but either way I'd rather chew on broken glass than date or have a romantic relationship with any of them or with ANY-FUCKING-ONE SO LEAVE ME ALONE GODDAMNIT!!!!!"
Ok, I've never said that last thing but it's definitely been kicking around in my head a few times when I've had those types of conversations and I've had them more times then I would have cared to. In fact, one time is more times than I would have cared to.
It just seems to me that anyone with half a brain should be able to look at a guy like me, look at my situation in life, and know that he most likely has some issues that are probably very deep-seeded and personal. Not necessarily know he has CSA issues, but issues. You'd also think they'd understand that poking and prodding at those issues isn't a very polite or sensitive thing to do. Perhaps I'm giving people to much credit though. Perhaps I'm unfairly expecting intuition out of people when a lot of people just don't have any. Perhaps I'm underestimating the naivety of the average John and Jane Doe. (In this scenario, it would mostly be Jane Doe.)
Does anyone else run into this crap from time to time? Not necessarily the same exact conversation/scenario but at least something akin to it? You know, when someone who is puzzled by your behavior or your situation in life starts unwittingly poking around at your issues? People who probably think that the places they are going are harmless or even helpful when, in reality, they are only making you uncomfortable or even downright pissing you off?
Perhaps I'm wrong to feel this way. Perhaps I should just be grateful that anyone gives enough of a shit to ask those questions or make those match-making offers in the first place. Perhaps I really have no right to be bothered by it. After all, I'm the one with the issues, not them. Still, it just seems to me that the first time I say "No thank you, I'm not interested in relationships", that should be the end of the matter, but it normally never is.
Ok, rant off. Any similar experiences to share? Any thoughts? Opinions? Am I just being a jerk about this? If I am, please just tell me. Thanks. Take care. Peace,