....As you can imagine, it threw our once tight knit family for a loop. My family was obviously supportive.....
I am genuinely sorry for what you had to endure as a boy. You are however, very fortunate to have a supportive family. Many of us cannot make that claim. And the aftereffects you describe are very common among male survivors of CSA: difficulty with relationships, difficulty with trust, putting up a facade of success and accomplishment while inside being a wreck, and taking the blame and guilt upon yourself
that really belongs to your abuser
The good news is that there is a way out, a way to learn to live with (not forget) what happened to you. You've already made a good start by talking about it. When I first logged on to MS, someone told me something that has stuck with me and I'll pass it on: "Sexual abuse happens in secret, but healing happens out loud"
. I have found that the more I talk about it, the less power it has over me.
There's no pressure here to spill your guts all at once, so take it at your own pace. But I've certainly learned alot from reading the post by other men. Most importantly I've learned that I'm not alone, and neither are you. There are nearly 12,000 guys on MS who "get it" and have your back.
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to screamJoe Cocker