He's read up to page 37 of Victims No More and won't go to therapy because he takes meds (not regularly as he should) from a shrink and thinks that is getting help.
I've also read SOOO many posts from wives on here and it seems that the common thread of couples who have made it through the other side is that their husbands didn't want to lose the marriage and finally got help.
The problem with getting a little better is that it seems to be enough. I'm dealing with the same problem now. I am so much better than I was a year ago. Almost back to "normal". The problem is that normal kind of sucked for me. But I was used to it and I actually can stay here for the rest of my life. So do I really want to start therapy to deal with the CSA and other issues? (I have tried to get into a male CSA program for the last 9 months and finally have my first session this week, but I badly needed it then)
Yes he feels better and probably can live with himself the way he is right now. And he probably feels that you will put up with it. You have until now so why should you not?
There are a number of problems but nobody wants risk a bad outcome if you force the situation. If you make it a serious ultimatum. When you are at that stage you are ready to walk and why should you put up with having to deal with the possible recovery shit. By this time it is almost, if not, already too late.
Does he hate me and run from me because he feels like a failure and I know the truth?
Can anyone tell me why I shouldn't give up hope?
I don't know. He might still have been doing these things if you didn't know. So while you may have nothing to do with it that doesn't mean that he doesn't think that you do.
I don't have anyone so I have not done those kind of things. My issues revolved around my work and a few people there. At the worst point my thinking was pretty screwed up. And I knew it. There was logic, and twisted logic. With emotions thrown in. People I had previously trusted I no longer did. But I knew enough that I couldn't trust my thinking either and that stopped me from quitting, even though those thoughts were with me quite often.
So in my opinion (remember how much you are paying for it) what a situation like this needs is an ultimatum. And it has to be clear what the new rules will be. What will be tolerated and what won't. And what happens when they are broken. But there is a huge risk here because you are not dealing with a fully rational person.
Just my 2 cents worth. Only based on opinion.