It sounds like he's got some parania going on big time, which is definitely a PTSD symptom, as well as the blame and avoidance dance.

With my H, as long as people, places and things outside of himself could be blamed for "making" him rageful, sad (or any emotion), he did that. When he was finally confronted in therapy and risked losing the marriage, he got help. Each dynamic and situation that brings survivors to their bottoms is different, although the feelings of shame are the same.

I was prepared to live life not with my H until and unless he began getting help, because his emotional and verbal abuse was damaging the entire family. I also responded unhealthily in kind, and had/have plenty of my own work to do.

When his solutions stop working is probably when he'll seek help for solutions that do work. I wouldn't wish on anyone the pain survivors endure. I do disagree that you yourself are his trigger. Many men here discuss that intimacy, closeness and care are often triggers for the shame they feel, and I've found that to be true with my H. When their core beings feel worthless, they act with the expectation that they deserve to be treated as worthless, often along with drawing that treatment of themselves out of those closest to them. It justifies the "I'm nothing" feelings they have. I hope some survivors might be able to speak to this for you.

Again, it's not you, and you're spot on for not tolerating intolerable abuse and encouraging him to heal no matter what it takes for him to do that. I wish you well.