You aren't describing a situation that I or any of the other wives that I correspond with regularly, can relate to. You also are not married nor do you have children with this man.
Get the hell out of Dodge!!!! GTFO!!!
Marriage makes things more complicated. Kids--10 times that. My husband has never, NEVER, spoken to me like that, treated me like that. You cannot save him. I'd be more apt to say wait and see (if you so desired) if he were getting help. But he's not!!
Run!!!!! Would you take that shit if he weren't abused?? I hope not!!!
And the STD thing is real. Do you want kids one day? Maybe you'll get lucky and what you catch won't impact your fertility (if it doesn't kill you first). I'd ask for a show of hands of wives who discovered the infidelity because of the STD. My gyno told me I need to get tested for the next EIGHT years (and I came up clear--this time!) It enrages me to think about it so I stuff it down until its time for my annual.
YOU KNOW!! You get to choose!! choose well! choose health. choose wholeness!
Many of us wives had no clue our lives are in danger because of the promiscuity. Emotional abuse and verbal abuse is unacceptable. I'm begging you, leave!!!
Wife of a survivor