Well if I would be in your position I would look to re-establish connection to one or two best friends (or family members) even if they are abroad. I would need to have someone to talk to and someone whom I could disclose in full and especially to whom I could talk about my current situation/problem.

I would look how to ground my self from that surreal bizaroo world as you named it, it could help me to have some outdoor activity like jogging or some other exercising on regular basis - to keep me focused.
Also anything that builds my confidence should be done on daily basis: doing things that I like, going out, helping others, playing with my nephews - it could be anything...


If I'm correct dealing with all damage that has left from some abusive relationship could be done after such relationship is over. So I'm not sure is it possible to look fragmentary on just one aspect (fear) of one abusive relationship and while you are in it. It could be easily that you are already under it's impact.

At the moment you are doing great thing by sharing your story and talking about it. Put all secrets aside and let it out trough talks and writings.

Something like that would help me to feel less powerless under such situation.


Pero
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My story