I’m in my mid twenties, so is my survivor. He disclosed to me one year ago but since has not done anything about recovery. I am not worried about him reading this because he would never visit this site. I am the only person he has ever told, we have known each other for 3 years.
His life is a downward spiral of self-destruction atm. He drinks A LOT, takes hard-core drugs, goes out clubbing as much as he possibly can without losing his job. He goes AWOL all the time. Recently I found out about him cheating with at least 2 women that I have photos of, but many other items have been found in our bed, around the house etc, but he continues to deny…. And ABSOLUTELY NO APOLOGY for the cheating. He said to me “Don’t think you’re special.”
Because of his hard-core drug use I said I felt I needed to tell someone what he is going through (I didn’t specifically say I was going to tell about the CSA), and he lost it, threatened to make me “feel his pain” and said I have no idea what someone who has nothing to lose is capable of. He also tells me to f**k off, other verbally abusive s**t. He tells his friends he is single, probably so when he is out and picking up chicks they don’t think he’s a bad guy. It is only rarely that he will break down and apologise for it all, and say he has reached “rock bottom”. But yet he won’t see a therapist, says he will but then doesn’t follow through.
He recently told me that all he ever wanted was for me to hate him!
And me – I have a good job, I am healthy, I have such a beautiful family, they are the bomb, people tell me I’m very attractive (but that is hard to believe cos of how HE treats me). I am extremely loyal, I haven’t so much as looked at another man in 3 years, in fact I do everything to avoid any attention to myself when I am out. HE is the only person I have ever been with, so the infidelity stings BAD. I’m also worried about possible STDs.
So I know many of you here are wives, have had long relationships and have children with your survivor. But if you were young again, and knew how bad things would be, how much pain would be inflicted on you way back when you were really at the beginning and young. Would you have stayed??