it is happening again today. those who have been around for the past year have seen my periodic panics every time another "child protection" seminar come up. we are required to attend these several times a year by our school - to be aware of, prevent, intervene and report suspected abuse among our students. i don't do well with them - lots of triggers, though usually the fears and anticipation leading up to it are worse than the actual event. but this time there has been a change of personnel. someone new will be leading. that brings up a different kind of anxiety. like the old saying - "better the devil you know than the devil you don't know." at least the other guy - even though he was an insensitive jerk - was familiar - i knew what to expect. now it is a whole new ball game. you'd think i'd learn, but here i am again with the butterflies in the stomach and all the rest of it.

i am better equipped this time. i can do this... i hope.

lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago