Hello all, this is my first time posting on these forums. I've been reading them since Friday and found a lot of helpful information so far.
My husband and I have been together for 8 years, 3 years ago he almost told me, I had a hunch but didn't want to push him. Last week he was finally able to tell me what happened. From age 10 to 16 he was abused by an older boy who took advantage of him being new to town and not having friends. While he was telling me, he was a wreck, breathing faster, staring into the distance looking scared, fidgeting, curling up, and crying. I listened and hugged him and kept telling him I love him and am here for him. I suggested a support group and therapy, he did not like the idea of a support group and was resistant to therapy as he's gone for brief periods in the past and feels as though it does him no good, plus he's concerned about the cost of frequent therapy visits. We've continued to talk about it here and there since, he's been moody but much calmer and relaxed, I on the other hand have been a mess.
I haven't cried in front of him but I have a lot while he's at work. I asked him this morning if I could talk to my best friend or mother so that I don't fall apart when he needs me, he's starting to realize now how much this is affecting me as well. I cried the whole time I was talking to my friend this morning. I'm just trying to take everything in, help him, and make sure we keep things normal for our two daughters.
He's starting to tell me how he should have stopped it and should have known better. He feels ashamed at being 'curious' about men, as he put it and that he thinks he may have suggested things during his abuse. I told him to think of our oldest daughter, in three years she'll be 10, would she be able to understand, he laughed and agreed that no that was ridiculous, but I know it only goes so far. He's already on anti-depressants and I hope that soon we can explore therapy options, for now, I just hope I can do something to help him.
Sorry for all the rambling, I'm just overwhelmed right now and felt that I needed to it out.